No Tomorrow Page 11

  “Evan, that’s not wha—”

  “Thought you were leaving.” He turns his attention back to the notepaper, making his feelings very clear.

  I grab my purse that’s hanging from one of the hooks that once held a rake, leaving the bag of snacks for him and Acorn on top of the wooden crate we use as a table. I’m still expecting him to stop me when I walk through the door, and I’m sobbing big wet tears and gulping breaths by the time I get into my car and drive away. I swipe my hand across my eyes and peer into the rearview mirror, but the street is still dark and vacant.

  Just like Evan’s eyes were tonight.

  I toss and turn all night, mad at myself for not trying harder to talk to Evan. In hindsight, I should have handled his bad mood better, been more supportive and less judgy. And now I can’t call him and he can’t call me to talk it over, and I can’t just drive back over there in the middle of the night.

  Staring up at my ceiling fan spinning round and round, similar to the carousel of my mind, I wonder if he’s still agonizing over the song. I wonder if he’s drunk. I wonder if he wishes he was on drugs.

  I wonder if he regrets not stopping me from leaving as much as I wish I hadn’t left.

  The awkwardness of that night and the unconventional inability to call him to find out if he’s okay and to figure out if we’re okay keeps me from going back to see him for days. I have no idea what kind of state he could be in or if he even wants to see me again.

  On the third day, I’d possibly give a kidney to find a note in my car, but I find something even better—him. At first, I think I must be hallucinating as I walk across the office parking lot toward my car. I blink at the vision of him leaning against the hood, wearing a black sweater and leather jacket I’ve never seen on him before. His long hair blowing away from his face in the autumn breeze makes him look like an edgy model on the cover of a rock magazine, exuding confidence and dripping sensuality. When his face lights up with a smile, all my doubts fade away, and I know we’re okay. I know he’s okay.

  “Sorry about the other night,” he says when I’m close enough for him to pull me into his arms. “I was having a bad day.”

  “I’m sorry, too.”

  “Do you have any plans?” he asks.

  “Nope.”

  “I do.” He flashes me a cocky grin and takes my car keys from my hand.

  “I guess you’re driving?” I tease, going up on my toes to kiss his cheek.

  He slaps my ass playfully. “Get in.”

  I’m excited when he drives down Main Street, away from town, and turns onto a favorite road of mine that’s home to old farmhouses that still raise horses, cows, and chickens. Many of them have farm stands set up on the side of the road.

  “Come over here and kiss me.” With just a few words, he’s got my heart racing and my mood soaring.

  Smiling, I lean across the seat and quickly press my lips to his. Before I can lean back, he touches my leg just below the hem of my skirt.

  “You’re wearing new lipstick.”

  I love that he notices little things like this. “It’s called Raspberry Razzle Dazzle. I mostly bought it for the name, but now I kinda like the color.”

  The callus on his finger snags on my black stockings as he inches his hand farther under my skirt.

  “I want your lips on me.” He glances at me, then back to the road. “I want you to suck me.”

  “Now?”

  I watch in shock as he unbuttons his jeans then pulls the zipper down, using his knee to keep the car straight on the road. My eyes take in the thick bulge straining against his faded black boxers.

  “Isn’t this dangerous?” I ask as I turn my body toward him.

  “Unless a cow jumps in front of us or you bite me, we’re fine, babe.” He grasps my thigh and pulls me closer. “C’mon, beautiful.”

  Throwing caution out the window, I push his jeans and boxers down just far enough for me to grab his hard cock and bow my head between him and the steering wheel. The moment I take him into my mouth, he moans and slides his free hand all the way up my skirt. After he rips through my thin nylon stockings, the burst of cool air between my legs is quickly followed by the warmth of his hand as he moves his fingers between my lips.

  I suck him harder as he thrusts a finger inside me, and I hope he doesn’t get distracted enough to crash the car. I don’t want to be found dead in a mangled mess with my head wedged into the steering wheel and a cock in my mouth. My parents would be horrified. Ditra would be impressed, though.

  His cock grows harder and hotter, pulsing against my tongue, and the thrust of his hips toward my face sends waves of erotic excitement through me. Nothing turns me on more than his moans and sighs, his dirty talk, and the way his body reacts to my touch. As I wrap my lips tighter around his shaft, he pushes two fingers into me and rubs his thumb against my clit, touching it with just the perfect amount of pressure. I drag my lips and tongue up to the tip of his cock. He lets go of the steering wheel to fist my hair and pushes me back down, holding me there with his cock rammed against the back of my throat, followed by spurts of hot cum.

  Still holding my hair, he pulls my head up and kisses me before letting me fall back onto the passenger seat. I’m still trying to catch my breath as I kick off my shoes and wiggle out of my ruined stockings. Then I pull my skirt back down and try to compose myself.

  “I don’t know how to love you, Piper,” he says roughly. “But I know I love you a little more every day.”

  I turn to look at him with tears brimming in my eyes because his words are masked with so much sadness and regret, my heart hurts.

  “Love doesn’t have rules, Blue. The way you love me is perfect. And I love you. That’s all that matters.”

  The click of his tongue piercing against his teeth is his only response, and that’s okay. Our love may be unexpected and flawed, but it’s ours. That’s all that matters.

  What I see before me sucks the breath right out of my lungs. We hardly spoke on the way back into town, other than deciding on what to get at the drive-thru burger place.

  He insisted I enter the shed first, and he came in slowly and nervously behind me.

  Flameless electric candles in assorted sizes are placed around the sleeping bag and a few on the small wooden shelf nailed into the wall. There’s even two small ones placed by Acorn’s bed. A glass vase in the corner sprouts six red silk roses. The tiny space glows warm amber, and if I let my eyes blur, the space resembles a cozy rustic cabin bedroom in the mountains. Speechless, I look over at him. He watches me, drinking in my reaction.

  “It’s beautiful,” I say wistfully.

  He steps toward me and takes my hands in his, leaning down to kiss the top of my head. “I wanted to give you the first time you didn’t get. Something romantic you can remember.”

  I ignore the fact that he preceded this romantic gesture by asking me to blow him while he was driving my car, a cigarette dangling from his mouth, and a dog in the back seat. It’s the thought that counts, right?

  “This is so sweet,” I say. “Where did you get all this?”

  “At the dollar store. I didn’t want to leave real candles burning in here. I don’t want to burn the fuckin’ place down.”

  I laugh and nod. “I like them. We can keep them.”

  “I thought maybe you could take one home with you and put it by your bed. So you know I’m thinking about you.”

  I tighten my hands around his. “I’d love that.”

  He slips his fingers from mine and slowly pulls my blouse over my head, laying it on the floor before circling my waist with his hands. “You…” he says, leaning down to kiss my neck. “You don’t know how you wreck me.”

  My eyes close and my head falls back in bliss as he sucks the flesh of my neck between his lips and gently bites.

  “My head is fucked with you. Every note, every word I write is haunted by you…” He unclasps my bra and whisks it off to cup my breasts in his palms. “All I can hear
is your voice. All I see is your eyes. All I can feel is your body…”

  His lips leave my neck and come down on my mouth, hard at first, then gradually softer. I can tell he’s struggling to be slow and gentle as his breathing grows ragged and deep.

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper against his lips.

  “Don’t be. I need it. I need you.”

  Fueled by his words, I push his leather jacket from his shoulders. It falls with a thud to the floor when he shrugs it off. The new black cable-knit sweater comes off him next, and I run my hands up his toned, inked torso, reveling in how beautiful every inch of him is. He helps me step out of my high heels and skirt, and I briefly recall my torn stockings on the floor of my car.

  He backs us up to the sleeping bag as we kiss. He kneels in front of me and my body trembles when he kisses a path from an amazingly sensitive spot behind my knee all the way up to my inner thigh. I grab his head in surprise when he lifts my leg over his shoulder and starts to devour my pussy with his lips and tongue. I clench at his long hair as he fucks me with his mouth and flicks the metal piercing over my clit. Just as I’m on the verge of climaxing, he pulls his mouth away and looks up at me with a lusty grin.

  “You don’t get to come yet,” he scolds in a raspy voice. “I want this little pussy to come all over my cock.”

  I almost have an orgasm just hearing him talk dirty to me, and those burning eyes of his aren’t helping. I run my fingers through his hair and tighten my leg around him.

  “Tell me what you want, Piper.”

  “Just you,” I reply, pulling him closer. “Any way I can have you.”

  Kisses all over my stomach and breasts lull and excite me, my body humming with desire and love and feelings I have no way to describe.

  He gently pushes me down on my back and then kneels between my legs, riveting his eyes onto mine as he takes his jeans and boots off. He moves slowly, deliberately teasing—and I love every second of it. Tattoos illustrate almost every inch of his rock-hard body like a map of dreams and visions coming to life. Jet-black hair falls in silky waves down his chest, and I ache to run my fingers through it and feel it brush against my skin. I reach for him eagerly as he leans his arms on the sleeping bag on either side of my head, and I run my hands up the length of his spine to clasp my hands behind his neck.

  “Always feels like I’m crushing you.” He strokes his finger across my cheek.

  “You’re not going to crush me. I like you on top of me.”

  Taking a deep breath, he brings his face closer and kisses the tip of my nose. “I like being on top of you. And in you. I just don’t want to hurt you.”

  Smiling, I wrap one of my legs around his and rub my foot languidly up and down his leg.

  “You’re not hurting me.”

  “I don’t just mean like this.”

  A feeling of doom creeps into my gut, giving me emotional whiplash with the feelings of love and desire I was lost in just mere seconds ago.

  I swallow hard before answering. “Then don’t.” That seems easy to me. If you don’t want to hurt someone, then just don’t let it happen.

  “Things with you are so easy but so fuckin’ hard, Piper.”

  “I don’t really know what that means.”

  “Shh… Let’s not talk.”

  “You scare me sometimes. I’m always afraid I’m going to wake up tomorrow and you’ll be gone.”

  “I promise to give you as many tomorrows as I possibly can.”

  “You promise?” I need to hear him say it again because I want all the tomorrows forever.

  “Promise.” His lips touch mine and then he kisses his way down my torso. “Spread your legs, baby,” he says when he reaches my belly button.

  I open my legs as wide as I can, and he bows his head between my thighs. Warm breath and full lips tease mine in the most erotic kiss imaginable. Sighing with pure content, my back arches as his tongue glides slowly through my slit, from ass to clit then back again. He grasps my outer thighs in his hands to spread me even wider for him, making me moan and grab fistfuls of his hair as he fucks me wildly with his tongue. I nearly lose my mind when he inches up to suck on my pulsing clit, and the hard metal of his tongue piercing heightens the sensation. Shudders quake through my body, and he holds my legs apart, not allowing me to squeeze my thighs around his head to quell the need building in me.

  “Blue….”

  With lightning-fast speed, he moves up and thrusts his cock balls-deep into my pussy right as I’m mid-orgasm. A cry escapes me, and I wrap my arms and legs tight around his sweaty body, grinding my hips against his as I continue to shudder uncontrollably. Suffocating me with his wet, musky mouth and tongue, he ignores all my gasps and whimpers as he pummels me slow and deep.

  I gulp his breath into me and rake my nails down the flesh of his back, enraptured with his giving and taking control over my body. When my breathing has calmed, he turns us onto our sides with his cock still buried inside me and lifts my leg over his hip. He caresses the back of my thigh and squeezes my ass, pulling me against him as he rocks into me. He cups my neck and brings my lips to his again, and we kiss hungrily as the ecstasy starts to build all over again. The angle of his cock in this position feels amazing and has me dripping over him. As our bodies slam into each other, he moves his hand down between my ass cheeks to finger my hole alongside his dick, then slides it back up to press his slick finger into my ass. I squirm in surprise, but he holds me firmly in place.

  “Don’t move,” his deep voice whispers, and he slowly slides his finger into me, stretching the tight flesh.

  Hushing and soothing me with his lips, he begins to thrust his finger and cock into me simultaneously. The mix of sensations is erotically intoxicating and has my entire body in a frenzy, aching for more despite the slight invasive pain. When I moan with a mix of frustration and pleasure, he growls in response and sinks deeper and faster into me, catapulting us both into orgasm. I watch him as he comes, and I’m caught up in the way his eyes close and his full lips part as he groans and how his wild hair sticks to his forehead. He’s hot as hell, and I’ve never met a man more breathtaking.

  Or heartbreaking.

  I used to be in bed every weekend night by eleven. Sometimes midnight if Courtney and I watched a movie together or if I was reading a really good book and kept reading just one more chapter. Since I’ve started seeing Blue, I stay with him until I can barely stay awake, and then I drive home, sometimes at two or three in the morning.

  It’s 2:45 when I quietly creep down to my apartment after spending the night with Blue and having our romantic first-time sex do-over. I highly doubt most first-time sex experiences include having a finger in one hole and a cock in the other, but everything with Blue is unique and out of the ordinary, and that’s one of the things I really love about him.

  “Where have you been?” I jump and do an insane ninja-style flailing of arms, dropping my purse and my flameless candle in the process. I reach for the light switch in the dark and see Ditra sprawled out on my bed.

  “What are you doing here?” I demand. “You scared the shit out of me. And how did you get in here?”

  “Courtney let me in. Hours ago, I might add.” She sits up and scrutinizes me. “You look like you just got your brains fucked out.”

  Sitting on the edge of the bed, I make a face at her and kick off my shoes. “How can you tell? And I’m not saying I did. I just want to know what kind of visual evidence a good fuck leaves?”

  “Well, smeared lipstick for one. Red and puffy lips. Messy hair. Dazed orgasm eyes.”

  “Dazed orgasm eyes?” I repeat, laughing. “What the hell is that?”

  “It’s kind of how people look when they’re stoned, only it’s an orgasm high. Or low.”

  I toss a throw pillow at her. “You’re insane, you know that?”

  “Maybe. But I’m right, aren’t I?”

  With a sigh, I stand and quickly change into yoga pants and a faded T-shirt.

 
“Fine. Yes. We had sex. Are you happy now?”

  “I already knew you did. I know you, Piper.”

  I pile some pillows against the headboard and settle myself next to her. I’d like to say I’m surprised she’s cornered me like this, but I’m not. This is the type of friend Ditra is. Sometimes that’s good, and sometimes it’s annoying as hell.

  “You’ve been avoiding me for weeks. Remember our weekly dinner? When’s the last time that happened?”

  “I’m sorry… I’ve just been really distracted.”

  “No shit. I understand how exciting it is to fall in love, but I’m worried about you. You’ve never just cut me off from your life before.”

  “I haven’t cut you off,” I protest, hating she feels that way. “I just needed to get my head together about things before I wanted to talk about it; that’s all.”

  “I left you about a hundred messages.”

  “I know.”

  “I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s going on. I’ll sleep here if I have to. I fed your cat and cleaned his litter box, so don’t think you can use that as an excuse to go off and avoid talking to me.”

  Shaking my head at her, I realize I don’t even know what to say. I know she wants giddy girl talk like we used to have when we were sixteen. She wants me to reveal every detail about Evan and what we do together. In a lot of ways, I want to because I’m happy and excited and I want to tell her how amazing he is. But I can’t do that without also telling her about some of my worries and fears, and those are the things she will hone in on and analyze the hell out of and want me to analyze right along with her. I’m not ready to analyze. And then, of course, there’s Evan’s living situation.

  “Piper? Talk to me. You’re gnawing on your lip like a rabid dog. That means you’re confused.”

  “I’m not confused… Okay, maybe I am a little bit.”

  “Would you just talk to me? I’m your best friend. I know I’m a pain in the ass, but I love you. You know that, right?”

  I smile at her. “Of course I do. And I love you, too.”